I just returned from my 25th college reunion. The highlight of the weekend was not skimming the surface of life, love, work and kids in three minutes or less, but rather the quality time and deep conversations shared among six of my closest college friends. It’s hard to believe I knew no one when I got there.
The summer before my freshman year, I worked as a cashier at a local supermarket. Arriving home one afternoon, I found a letter on university letterhead waiting and ripped it open. There it was — the name, address and telephone number of my roommate, Lisa, from South Orange, N.J.
“Should I bring my boombox?” I nervously asked her as I twirled the wall phone’s extra-long cord and paced around my mom’s blue-tiled kitchen.
“Yes,” Lisa answered. “And I can bring a popcorn maker.”
The important decisions now sorted out, we met face-to-face for the first time in our dorm room on freshman move-in day in late August.
Fast-forward 25 years, and it’s a whole new pre-frosh universe.
Since the day of her acceptance to Wesleyan University last fall, my daughter Nicole has been communicating with her future classmates. She joined a university-run Facebook group — open exclusively to admitted students — which currently has 770 members (the incoming class has 745 students), as well as another “Class of 2015” Facebook group (unaffiliated with the university, and described as a “place for potential students to meet and discuss!”).
Now that college “friends” are virtually in abundance, the days of stepping onto a campus having never met or seen a classmate’s photo are indeed over — no matter from which continent you hail.
Over the last several months, these students have been asking questions (Any classics majors? Do we pay for laundry?), getting acquainted (I love naps and Madrid Real), divulging hometowns (I’m from Miami and might die in the cold; accepted from Mexico City!), and discussing dorms (I’m between Fauver and Westco; looking for a roomie in Clark).
Eventually, and inevitably, Nicole came across a girl with whom she had a mutual Facebook friend. They started a dialogue online and it turned out the girl lives in a nearby town. They met for ice cream one Sunday afternoon, and there it was — a new friend with whom she could text and meet while visiting their future school in April for WesFest, a long weekend of classes, seminars, performances and parties for parents and students, both current and future.
As Nicole packed her bag preparing to catch the train to Connecticut, I sat on the floor of her room to keep her company.
“You know,” I said, “this is kind of like your first day of college.” She didn’t turn around, but just grumbled, “Uh-huh,” probably hoping I’d stop talking and let her get ready in peace.
“When I went to college, the only person I spoke with in advance was my assigned roommate,” I continued. “But you’ve already communicated with so many kids, and now you’ll be meeting some of them for the first time. So when you move in on Aug. 31, it won’t be as awkward and scary.”
“O.K., whatever,” she said.
Nicole did see familiar faces during the WesFest weekend, and came back as excited as ever.
She didn’t agree that it felt like her first day of college, and I suppose she’s right — nor does it make sense to compare her experience to mine, since technology has rendered the unknown nearly unimaginable for her generation. And who knows what’s better, the comfort obtainable nowadays via e-mail and the Internet, or the feeling of walking onto a campus not knowing a soul?
Twenty-five years later, one thing I do know is that college has brought me lifelong friends. During my reunion weekend, over meals, walks, cocktails, coffee breaks and the occasional cheese steak—with friends who came from as close as Boston and New Jersey and as far as Cleveland and Colorado — we didn’t skim over anything.
Of course we reminisced about the good ole college days, sometimes laughing until we cried. But it took little time before we delved deep, covering parenting issues, career ups, downs and hiatuses, aging parents and recent ailments; diminishing eyesight, hot flashes, and dental implants were new, and fairly common, among us.
The beginning of college can be daunting. In these times of instant knowledge and information, I hope Nicole’s new acquaintances — both virtual and real — will make her first few days at college feel less so.
And then, maybe at her 25th reunion, she and some of her classmates will reminisce about those early days when they “met” on Facebook, and how nice it was to arrive with instant friends.
To offer your thoughts on what Ms. Gerszberg has written, or to share similar observations, please use the comment box below. To read more by her, click here.
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